Heirebor
by gideondorf
Summary: AU where no one dies, Frodo lives in Erebor, and everyone has been Rule 63'd. Bilbo is just happy with her life. She just wishes that things weren't so hectic with her nieces, one of whom who has just accidentally usurped the line of Durin. Contains mentions of Girl!Bilbo/Girl!Thorin


"Frodo!" Bilbo yelled at her niece.

"Aunt Bilbo," Frodo replied, giving her big puppy dog eyes.

"Those cookies were for Ori!" Bilbo sighed, then stamped her foot. Oh, what was the use? There were better ways to congratulate her friend than giving her cookies. She did have some good books that her friend would love, and Ori's wife, Dwalin, would've eaten all the cookies anyway. "Just don't try anything at the wedding, alright?"

"I won't!" Frodo said. She grabbed another cookie, then ran off.

"Oh," Bilbo sighed, "what will I ever do with that little hobbit?"

Her niece wasn't her biggest concern however, as the sound of something breaking filled a nearby room. Bilbo stiffened; could Frodo be hurt? After the sudden death of her parents and the move to Erebor, she didn't need the poor girl getting hurt by a broken vase.

"Frodo!" Bilbo yelled.

"I didn't cause it!" Frodo yelled.

The noise had come from the opposite direction of where Frodo was. Bilbo breathed a sigh of relief, then went to see what caused the disturbance. When she saw it, she regretted ever seeing it.

"What on Eru Iluvatar's green earth are you two doing?" Frodo was a troublemaker, but she was nothing compared to the so called worthy heirs of Durin.

"I just want to say," said Fili, "that we did not break your vase."

Bilbo looked down. Her grandfather's purple vase sat in hundreds of tiny pieces on the floor. "Well," she said, "hurry up and get a broom! I don't want Frodo to step on any glass and hurt her feet! You two are going to sweep this right up!"

"But Aunt Bilbo," Kili whined, "we didn't cause it!"

Bilbo clenched her fists together. She was at her wits ends today. Couldn't they just get ready for the wedding in peace? "Do you think that I'm stupid enough to believe that it just fell on its own? Now hurry up and sweep the stuff up! For once I can't do that for you because the glass can harm my feet."

"But!" the two dwarves said in unison.

"Just. Do. It."

The two girls nodded.

"We'll get every piece," Fili said.

"We promise," Kili added.

"I'll hold you to that." Bilbo walked back into the kitchen, where Frodo sat reading a book. Wel, at least she was staying out of trouble. Bilbo handed her another cookie, then started a mug of tea for herself. That would calm her down a little.

Bilbo wondered what to explain to her wife once she got home. The girls were her main problem. As much as the two girls loved Bilbo, it was obvious that their real authority was to Thorin, the same way that Bilbo was Frodo's main authority.

She didn't have to, as Frodo ran up to Thorin when she came home. She was taking off her royal robe while Frodo chattered away.

"Fili and Kili broke Aunt Bilbo's precious vase! They even lied and said that they didn't cause it, but Aunt Bilbo isn't dumb!"

"Fili! Kili!" Thorin roared. "Get your butts over here right now!"

The two girls drudged from their rooms to the front entrance, passing through the kitchen. They both gave Bilbo their most apologetic look, but she turned away. She was not going to fall for their tricks today.

"Is what Frodo said true?" Thorin asked.

"Yes," the two said in unison.

"We didn't mean to," Kili said.

"It was just an accident." Fili added. "We even cleaned up every piece of glass."

And then Thorin yelled. "To think that I call you my heirs!" It was louder than when Thorin, mad with gold lust, had yelled at Bilbo for stealing the Arkenstone. The sound could probably be heard all throughout Erebor and through all of Dale, maybe even to Mirkwood. It probably could even wake the dead, giving the Necromancer a run for her money.

Bilbo walked into the main foyer to try to calm her wife down, but just as quickly as she'd gotten angry, she'd gone back to normal. She picked up Frodo and held the young hobbit to her chest. "You were a good girl today, weren't you Frodo?"

"Yes!" Frodo said.

Bilbo decided not to bring up the cookie incident.

"You're so much better than Fili and Kili!"

"Hey!" Kili said, but Fili quickly shot her a look that stated she needed to shut up.

"How would you like to rule as queen when I leave my throne?" Thorin asked, sugarcoating the fact that one day she was going to die.

Frodo giggled. "I want to be queen after Aunt Thorin!"

"Well," Thorin said, smiling down at the little girl, "I officially make you my new heir. Someday you're going to be queen of Erebor!"

"Do I get a crown?" Frodo asked.

"The biggest one you'll ever see!"

"Do I get to boss people around?"

"That's the best part of the job!"

"Can I go tell the elves what to do?"

Thorin seemed about to cry in happiness. "Yes, you can tell the elves to go get hit by Mahal's hammer!"

"Thorin, watch your language!" Bilbo yelled.

Frodo stuck out her tongue. "You don't get to tell me what to do, Aunt Bilbo; someday I'm going to be the queen of Erebor!"

Bilbo sighed. "Well you aren't yet."

"Aunt Thorin, Aunt Bilbo is telling me what to do!"

Thorin messed up Frodo's dark curls. "Now we can't have her doing that, can we?"

"No!" Frodo replied.

Fili and Kili slowly eased away from the ruckus, their faces red with shame. This didn't really concern Bilbo, however. Right now she had bigger fish to fry. To think that she lived surrounded by dwarves and still didn't understand them and their blasted ways!


End file.
